Understanding How Military Deployment Affects Children

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Military deployments create unique stressors for service members and their families. Children experience a range of emotional, social, behavioral, and academic effects from parental absence, anxiety about a parent’s safety, and reintegration challenges upon return.

These impacts are significant in scope – nearly half of U.S. service members have children under 18, and almost one million children have experienced at least one parental deployment to Iraq or Afghanistan.

Recognizing these effects is crucial for providing effective support across various age groups and throughout the deployment cycle.

Effects on Different Age Groups

Preschool Children (Ages 3-5)

This age group often shows the most pronounced behavioral symptoms compared to peers with non-deployed parents. Studies using tools like the Child Behavior Checklist show significantly higher internalizing symptoms (anxiety, withdrawal) and externalizing symptoms (aggression, acting out). Common reactions include sleep disturbances, excessive crying, increased clinginess, and sometimes avoidance upon the parent’s return – what researchers identify as problematic attachment behaviors. These reactions relate to multiple factors including the child’s temperament, deployment length, total time the parent is absent, family moves, and the number of stressors faced by the at-home parent. Research also indicates potential increases in outpatient and well-child visits during deployment for children under two, possibly reflecting increased health needs or caregiver stress, although patterns vary based on parental marital status and age.

School-Age Children (Ages 6-12)

Anxiety is a major concern for this age group during parental deployment. Fears for the deployed parent’s safety can manifest as anxiety and depression, with some studies indicating higher levels of depressive symptoms compared to the general population. One study involving Army spouses found that nearly one-third (32%) of children aged 5-12 displayed significant psychosocial problems during deployment. Academically, this age group may experience declining grades, problems with homework completion, and school attendance issues. The length of deployment tends to predict childhood depression and other symptoms in this age range. Additionally, difficulties with peer relationships and social isolation can occur, creating a compounding effect on the child’s overall well-being. These children are at an age where they can understand the concept of deployment but may not have developed the coping mechanisms to deal with the associated stress effectively.

Adolescents (Ages 13-18)

Teenagers face unique challenges during parental deployment. Research indicates that deployment can sometimes lead to increased rates of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and a lower overall quality of life. Difficulties in relationships with both the deployed and at-home parent have been reported, potentially worsening with longer cumulative deployment time. Some research indicates an increased risk for substance use, including marijuana and alcohol, particularly binge drinking among teens living with non-parent relatives during deployment. While academic achievement scores may not show significant decline specifically in high schoolers related to cumulative deployment months, issues like homework completion and attendance can still arise. Teens may also struggle with increased household responsibilities as they often need to take on additional adult roles in the absence of a parent. This combination of emotional, relational, and practical challenges makes the adolescent age group particularly vulnerable during deployment periods.

Impact of Cumulative Deployment

Research consistently shows that the impact of deployment is often cumulative – the total number of months a parent has been deployed is more strongly linked to negative outcomes than the number of separate deployments. Children whose parents deployed for 19 months or more cumulatively showed modestly lower academic achievement scores, particularly in elementary and middle school. Similarly, longer cumulative deployment time is associated with worsening emotional and behavioral outcomes for children and teens. This pattern suggests that resilience may decrease, rather than increase, with repeated or prolonged separations. Exposure to combat trauma during deployment can also lead to noticeably worse outcomes for children.

Furthermore, the well-being of the at-home caregiver is a critical factor influencing how children cope. Studies identify parenting stress as a significant predictor of child psychosocial functioning during deployment. Higher levels of caregiver stress, depression, or anxiety are linked to increased emotional and behavioral difficulties in children. The mental health of the at-home parent plays a key role – if they cope effectively, children are less likely to develop problems. Conversely, deployment periods, particularly departure and return, have been linked to an increased risk of child maltreatment, often perpetrated by stressed caregivers. This underscores that supporting the remaining parent is a vital pathway to supporting the child.

Navigating the Deployment Cycle

Military deployment is not a single event but a cycle with distinct phases, each presenting unique emotional, logistical, and relational challenges for families. Understanding these phases helps families anticipate and manage the associated stresses.

Pre-Deployment Phase

This phase begins with deployment notification and ends with the service member’s departure. It’s characterized by a complex mixture of emotions and practical tasks:

Emotional Landscape: Families experience fluctuations in mood and energy, swinging between denial (“You don’t really have to go, do you?”) and anticipation of loss. Feelings of sadness, anger, excitement, anxiety, tension, frustration, and resentment are common during this time. As departure nears, service members may become more focused on the mission, leading to emotional and physical distance, while spouses grapple with impending single parenthood. A period of detachment or withdrawal, sometimes marked by arguments, can occur just before departure as an unconscious way to prepare for the separation. Fears about safety, fidelity, the spouse’s coping ability, and the children’s adjustment are prevalent.

Logistical Focus: Families concentrate on practical preparations, including updating wills, arranging finances, establishing childcare plans, completing home repairs, and ensuring vehicle maintenance. Attending pre-deployment briefings and completing checklists are crucial. Open communication about expectations regarding communication frequency, finances, decision-making, and child-rearing during the separation is vital. Creating positive memories and spending quality time together is also important.

During Deployment Phase

This phase covers the period the service member is physically absent, typically divided into two stages:

Initial Adjustment: The initial shock of departure may give way to relief from pre-deployment tension, followed by feeling overwhelmed. Loneliness, sadness, numbness, worry for the service member’s safety, and anxiety about coping alone are common experiences. Sleep and appetite disturbances can occur. Children exhibit age-specific reactions requiring reassurance and consistent routines during this period.

Sustainment Period: Over time (typically months 2-5), the at-home spouse establishes new routines, often discovering newfound independence and capability (“I can do this!”). However, communication challenges such as missed calls, misinterpretations via email, and jealousy over support networks can add stress. The at-home parent manages the household solo, juggling finances, childcare, home maintenance, and unexpected crises. Establishing new routines and support systems through Family Readiness Groups, friends, and family becomes crucial. Maintaining regular contact with the deployed service member via letters, email, or phone calls helps bridge the distance, though managing expectations around communication availability is important.

Post-Deployment Phase

This phase begins with the service member’s return and involves readjusting to life together. It can extend for months and often presents the most complex challenges:

Emotional Landscape: Initial excitement and a “honeymoon” period are common but often temporary. Apprehension about changes, renegotiating roles, and potential loss of independence (for the spouse) or feeling like an outsider (for the returning member) can surface. Resentment, frustration, and difficulty re-establishing emotional and physical intimacy may occur. The returning service member may struggle with their own readjustment, potentially dealing with combat stress, PTSD, or other deployment-related issues, which impacts the entire family.

Children’s Reactions: Reactions vary widely – children may be hesitant, overly clingy, or test boundaries with the returned parent. These behaviors reflect their need to re-establish trust and certainty in the relationship.

Logistical Focus: Renegotiating household roles, responsibilities, and routines is essential. Patience and open communication are critical as the family finds its “new normal.” The returning parent needs time to reconnect with children and ease back into parenting roles. Following through on promises made during deployment and celebrating individual growth are positive steps. Identifying what worked well and what could be improved prepares the family for future challenges.

The cyclical nature of deployment means families may move through these stages multiple times, sometimes rapidly with shorter, more frequent separations, which can be particularly demanding as there is less time to adjust emotionally between phases.

Official Support Programs

The U.S. Department of Defense (DoD), Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), and individual military branches offer a wide range of programs designed to support service members, children, and families throughout the deployment cycle. These resources aim to enhance readiness, resilience, and overall quality of life.

Department of Defense Resources

Military OneSource – This central DoD-funded program provides comprehensive, confidential information and support 24/7/365 via website and phone (800-342-9647). Services include non-medical counseling (individual, couples, family, youth), financial counseling, tax assistance, spouse employment support, education consultations, relocation information, parenting resources, deployment planning tools, health and wellness coaching, peer support, document translation, and extensive online resources (articles, podcasts, guides, apps). Specific resources address children’s needs, including materials from Sesame Street for Military Families. Counseling for youth (ages 13-17) requires parental consent at the start of each session; family counseling is available for younger children (6-12) with a parent present. A RAND study confirmed the effectiveness of Military OneSource non-medical counseling in reducing issue severity and stress.

Military and Family Support Centers (M&FSCs) – Located on installations across branches (e.g., Army Community Service, Navy Fleet and Family Support Center, Airman & Family Readiness Center, Marine Corps Community Services), these centers are primary hubs for local support. They provide deployment support briefings, relocation assistance, financial readiness programs, employment assistance, personal and family life education, information and referral, access to Military Family Life Counselors (MFLCs), and coordination with programs like EFMP and the Family Advocacy Program (FAP). Find centers via MilitaryINSTALLATIONS.

Child Care Programs – DoD offers various options to ensure access to affordable, quality child care:

• MilitaryChildCare.com – Centralized website for families to find and request placement in DoD-operated or sponsored child care worldwide. Families must have an account here to request fee assistance.
• Fee Assistance Programs (e.g., MCCYN, MCCYN-PLUS) – Help families afford licensed, accredited off-base child care when on-base options are unavailable or full. Administered by Child Care Aware® of America for branches like the Army and Coast Guard.
• Respite Care – Provides temporary, no-cost hourly child care (e.g., Army offers up to 16 hours/child/month for deployed, Wounded Warriors, rotational forces) to give caregivers a break.

Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) – Supports families with members having special medical or educational needs. Provides family support services (information, referral, non-medical case management, support groups), coordinates assignments to ensure access to necessary care, and connects families with resources.

Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program – Specifically supports National Guard and Reserve members and their families throughout the deployment cycle with events, information, and resources.

Department of Veterans Affairs

While primarily focused on veterans, the VA offers resources relevant to families impacted by deployment, particularly concerning post-deployment readjustment and mental health:

National Center for PTSD – Provides comprehensive information on the effects of deployment stress on families and children, including common reactions and readjustment challenges. This resource offers essential guidance for families dealing with PTSD and its impact on family dynamics.

VA Caregiver Support Program – Offers services for caregivers of eligible veterans, including the Program of Comprehensive Assistance for Family Caregivers (PCAFC) for post-9/11 veterans seriously injured in the line of duty. Benefits can include stipends, health insurance access, mental health services, training, and respite care.

Community Provider Toolkit – Provides resources to help community mental health providers understand and treat veterans and their families, ensuring that civilian mental health professionals can offer culturally competent care.

Branch-Specific Support

Each military branch operates support centers and programs tailored to their communities:

Army Community Services (ACS) – Offers Army-specific support programs along with specialized Army Child, Youth & School Services (CYS) Fee Assistance and Respite Care programs designed to meet the needs of Army families.

Navy Fleet and Family Support Centers – Provide deployment support, counseling, financial programs, parenting classes, relocation assistance, and other Navy-specific resources. These centers are regionally organized with specific websites for different Navy communities. Example: Navy Region Northwest

Air Force Airman & Family Readiness Centers (A&FRC) – Offer deployment briefings (pre-deployment, reintegration), support for deployed families (events, Give Parents a Break, Car Care Because We Care via Air Force Aid Society), financial readiness, and relocation assistance tailored to Air Force families.

Marine Corps Family Programs – Provide Family Readiness Program Training, FOCUS (Families OverComing Under Stress), MFLCs, Community Counseling, New Parent Support, School Liaisons, EFMP support, Child/Youth Programs, and deployment support specific to Marine Corps culture and needs.

Coast Guard SUPRT Program – Provides 24/7 confidential counseling (up to 12 sessions/issue/year), health/money coaching, education, referrals for active duty, civilians, selected reserve, and families. Also offers Child Development Centers, MCCYN Fee Assistance, and School Liaisons for Coast Guard families. Contact: 855-247-8778

Non-Profit and Community Resources

Beyond official government and military programs, a robust network of national and community-based non-profit organizations provides vital support, resources, and advocacy for military children and families facing deployment. These organizations often offer specialized services, foster community connections, and address specific needs that complement government efforts.

Family Well-being Organizations

Blue Star Families – Aims to strengthen military families by connecting them with their local communities for mutual support. They conduct research on military family challenges, advocate for policy changes, and run programs focused on spouse employment, food security, peer support, and caregiver needs. They offer membership and local chapters/outposts to foster belonging throughout the military community.

National Military Family Association – A long-standing advocacy organization focusing on issues critical to military families, including child care, health care, spouse employment, and education. Key programs include Operation Purple® Camp (free summer camp for military kids), military spouse scholarships, and BLOOM (connecting military teens through peer support and leadership opportunities).

Operation Homefront – Builds strong, stable, and secure military families through programs offering financial assistance, transitional and permanent housing for veterans, and family support events like Back-to-School Brigade (providing backpacks and school supplies) and holiday meals. They focus on relieving stress, particularly during deployment cycles.

Armed Services YMCA – Offers programs at or near military installations, including child care, spouse support, family counseling, deployment support, and youth development activities. They focus on strengthening military families through community-based programs and services.

American Red Cross – Provides emergency communication services connecting deployed service members with families during crises, as well as deployment preparation courses and other support services essential during deployment phases. Emergency Line: 1-877-272-7337

Child-Focused Organizations

Our Military Kids – Provides grants for extracurricular activities (sports, arts, tutoring, camps) for children and teens (ages 1-18) of deployed National Guard and Reserve personnel and children of post-9/11 combat-injured veterans undergoing treatment. These grants aim to build self-confidence and relieve stress during challenging deployment periods.

Military Child Education Coalition – Focuses on ensuring quality educational opportunities for all military-connected children, addressing challenges related to mobility, family separation, and transitions. They conduct research, develop resources for students, parents, and schools, and offer professional development to educators working with military children.

Sesame Street for Military Families – Offers a free, bilingual multimedia website with videos, games, articles, and activities featuring Sesame Street characters. Resources help young children (ages 2-5+) and their parents cope with deployment phases, relocations, injuries, grief, establishing routines, and expressing feelings.

Military Kids Connect – A DoD online community specifically for military children (ages 6-17). Provides age-appropriate resources, informative activities, games, and videos to support resilience, understanding, and coping skills related to military life challenges.

Additional Support Organizations

Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) – Provides compassionate care, resources, and support for anyone grieving the death of a military loved one. Their services include peer support networks, counseling referrals, casework assistance, and community building specifically designed for military loss.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) – A network funded to raise the standard of care and improve access to services for traumatized children, their families, and communities. Offers resources relevant to understanding and addressing the traumatic stress some children may experience related to deployment or parental injury.

Specialized Training of Military Parents (STOMP) – A federally funded Parent Training and Information (PTI) Center specifically for military families who have children with special education or health needs. Staffed by parents with experience navigating both military life and special needs systems, they provide peer support and expert guidance.

ZERO TO THREE – A national non-profit focused on the healthy development of infants and toddlers (birth to age 3). Provides resources and knowledge for parents, professionals, and policymakers, including those supporting military families with very young children during challenging deployment periods.

School-Based Support

Schools serve as a central environment in the lives of military children. Educators, counselors, and specific programs within the education system play a critical role in identifying needs and providing support during deployment cycles and frequent transitions.

School Liaison Officers (SLOs)

School Liaison Officers, typically located at military installations, serve as the primary point of contact for families regarding PK-12 school matters. Their mission is to connect military families, schools, and the installation command to address the educational challenges associated with the military lifestyle.

Key services include:

• Transition Assistance: Information on local school districts, boundaries, registration processes, credit transfers, and graduation requirements to ensure smoother school entries
• Educational Options: Guidance on public, private, charter, virtual, and homeschooling options
• Special Needs Navigation: Assistance with understanding and accessing special education services (IEPs, 504 plans) and referrals to the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP)
• Deployment Support: Providing resources and support to students, families, and school staff during deployment cycles
• Post-Secondary Preparation: Information on college/career readiness, scholarships, financial aid, and test preparation
• Communication & Advocacy: Facilitating communication between families and schools, advocating for military students, and educating the local community about military life challenges
• Interstate Compact (MIC3) Support: Helping families understand and utilize the provisions of the Military Interstate Children’s Compact Commission

SLO services are free for DoD ID card holders, educators serving military students, and community partners. Find your SLO through MilitaryINSTALLATIONS or Military OneSource.

Military Family Life Counselors (MFLCs)

The MFLC program places licensed counselors directly into environments frequented by military families, including schools, Child Development Centers (CDCs), and youth centers, offering accessible, confidential support.

Role & Services: MFLCs provide short-term, non-medical counseling to service members, spouses, children, and teens. They address issues like deployment adjustments, stress management, relocation challenges, relationship difficulties, grief, anxiety, anger management, bullying, conflict resolution, and building self-esteem. Child and Youth Behavioral (CYB) MFLCs specifically work with younger populations (parental consent required for under 18s) in schools, CDCs, and youth programs.

Confidentiality & Effectiveness: Services are confidential (with standard exceptions like duty to warn, abuse/neglect) and are not reported to command, aiming to reduce stigma. A RAND evaluation found DoD non-medical counseling programs to be highly effective, with the majority of users reporting reduced issue severity and stress levels.

Access: Find MFLCs through the MFLC Locator on Military OneSource, via your installation M&FSC, or directly through contacts provided at schools, CDCs, or embedded within units.

Military Interstate Children’s Compact Commission (MIC3)

Frequent relocations often cause educational disruptions for military children. The MIC3 is an agreement among member states designed to resolve inconsistencies in educational policies that affect transitioning military students.

Purpose: Addresses key transition issues such as enrollment (documentation requirements, age limits), placement (course sequencing, program eligibility), attendance, eligibility for school activities, and graduation requirements.

Function: By adopting the compact into state law, member states agree to uniform policies that ease these common hurdles, ensuring military children are not penalized educationally due to their parents’ service. SLOs play a role in educating families and schools about the compact and assisting with compliance.

Educator Awareness

Teachers and counselors are often the first to notice changes in behavior or academic performance related to deployment stress. Their ability to respond with empathy, maintain classroom structure while being flexible, connect students with resources, and communicate effectively with families is crucial. Professional development for educators on military culture and deployment impacts is beneficial.

Research highlights the need for schools to adopt policies that facilitate military parent involvement and implement comprehensive, integrated services that include prevention and early identification of difficulties. While schools serve as vital hubs, their effectiveness depends significantly on the successful integration of military-specific resources like SLOs and MFLCs, adequate training for staff, supportive school policies, and sufficient resources to meet the growing mental and behavioral health needs of students.

Practical Family Strategies

While formal support programs are essential, families can employ practical strategies at home to navigate the challenges of deployment and foster resilience in children. Effective communication, consistent routines, age-appropriate coping tools, and caregiver self-care are fundamental pillars of support.

Effective Communication

Open, honest, and age-appropriate communication is vital throughout all deployment phases:

Pre-Deployment: Parents should talk with children about the upcoming separation, explaining what deployment is, why the parent is leaving, and how they plan to stay connected, tailored to the child’s understanding. Answering questions honestly and reassuring children about their safety and the continuation of home life is key. Partners should also discuss mutual expectations for the deployment period.

During Deployment: Maintaining connection is paramount. When feasible, regular contact through letters, emails, phone calls, or video chats helps bridge the distance. Sending personalized notes or helping children create messages for the deployed parent reinforces the bond. The deployed parent should actively back up the at-home parent regarding household rules. The at-home parent should create space for children to discuss worries or news they hear, validating their feelings. Resources like Sesame Street for Military Families offer tools and videos to facilitate conversations about deployment-related emotions.

Post-Deployment: Openness and patience are crucial during the reintegration phase. Family members need to communicate about their feelings, the changes that occurred during the separation, and expectations moving forward. Gradually re-establishing roles and routines requires ongoing dialogue. Utilizing structured approaches like family problem-solving meetings can help navigate conflicts and ensure everyone feels heard.

Routines, Rules & Rituals

Consistency provides an essential anchor for children navigating the uncertainty of deployment:

Routines: Maintaining predictable daily schedules for meal times, homework, and bedtime offers children a sense of security, stability, and control amidst change. While flexibility is needed, sticking to established routines as much as possible is beneficial.

Rules: Consistent household rules and clear limits on behavior provide structure and predictability, which protects both children and parents. Maintaining discipline consistently, even with one parent absent, helps children feel secure. Deployed parents should support the at-home parent’s efforts to maintain rules.

Rituals: Creating and maintaining family rituals fosters connection and provides a shared narrative during separation. Examples include:

• Special weekly meals like “Breakfast for Dinner Thursdays”
• Regular family game nights
• Shared activities done simultaneously despite distance (like looking at the moon or reading the same book)
• Creating memory books together
• Using visual countdowns like paper chains to mark the deployment duration

These practices reinforce family identity and connection, directly counteracting the stress and uncertainty inherent in deployment.

Age-Appropriate Coping Tools

Helping children develop and utilize coping skills empowers them to manage deployment-related stress:

General Strategies: Encourage children to identify and express their feelings (sadness, anger, fear, worry) in safe ways – talking, drawing, writing, playing, music. Validate these feelings as normal reactions. Provide consistent reassurance of love, safety, and the parent’s eventual return. Limit exposure to potentially frightening news coverage. Help them focus on their strengths and positive coping mechanisms.

Preschoolers (0-5): Focus on maintaining calm, predictable routines. Use play, art, and storytelling to help them process feelings. Help them label emotions with simple words. Offer comfort and soothing activities; expect and tolerate some temporary behavioral regression (e.g., thumb-sucking, clinginess). Utilize resources like Sesame Street’s videos and activities. Physical comfort items like a “hug-me” pillow made from a parent’s t-shirt or recordings of the parent’s voice reading a story can be helpful.

School-Age Children (6-12): Encourage talking about feelings with trusted adults or peers. Journaling, drawing, or writing letters to the deployed parent can be effective outlets. Reading age-appropriate stories about children coping with similar situations can normalize their experience. Engage them in physical activities and play. Help them with simple, concrete tasks to foster a sense of contribution. Visual aids like calendars or paper chains can help them track the deployment and anticipate reunion.

Adolescents (13+): Support creative expression through journaling, poetry, art, or music. Facilitate connections with peers through support groups or discussions. Encourage healthy outlets for stress, such as exercise or hobbies. Teach practical coping skills like problem-solving strategies and relaxation techniques (e.g., deep breathing). Ask open-ended questions to encourage communication, but also respect their need for privacy while maintaining clear boundaries and expectations. Involving teens in family tasks and planning can foster a sense of responsibility and connection.

Caregiver Self-Care

The well-being of the at-home parent or caregiver is inextricably linked to the child’s ability to cope with deployment stress. Prioritizing caregiver self-care is therefore not a luxury, but a necessity for family resilience:

Acknowledge Stress: Recognize that caregiver stress during deployment is normal and expected rather than a sign of weakness.

Prioritize Physical Health: Maintain healthy habits, including balanced nutrition, adequate sleep, and regular physical activity, as these directly impact emotional resilience.

Practice Stress Reduction: Intentionally schedule time for activities that promote relaxation and well-being, whether it’s reading, taking a bath, pursuing a hobby, spending time in nature, or engaging in mindfulness practices.

Leverage Support Systems: Actively reach out to and utilize support networks – family, friends, neighbors, other military spouses, or formal support groups. Accepting help with childcare or household tasks can alleviate significant pressure.

Seek Professional Help: Do not hesitate to access professional support when needed. Utilizing resources like MFLCs, Military OneSource counseling, or installation M&FSCs is a sign of strength and proactive coping. Given the established connection between caregiver stress and negative child outcomes, investing in the caregiver’s mental and emotional health directly benefits the entire family’s ability to navigate deployment successfully.

Key Support Resources Table

The extensive network of official resources reflects understanding that deployment impacts families across multiple domains. Non-governmental organizations provide specialized services and foster community connections, complementing government efforts. Together, these resources help military families navigate deployment challenges and build resilience.

Our articles make government information more accessible. Please consult a qualified professional for financial, legal, or health advice specific to your circumstances.