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The term “Gold Star Family” traces back over a century to World War I, when families displayed service flags with blue stars for deployed family members. When someone died in service, families replaced the blue star with gold. This simple tradition evolved into a comprehensive system of federal recognition and support.
Today, Gold Star Families receive extensive benefits and services from the Department of Defense, Veterans Affairs, and numerous nonprofit organizations. The support network includes immediate financial assistance, long-term income programs, healthcare coverage, education benefits, and emotional support services.
Understanding these benefits can be overwhelming during grief. This guide explains what support is available, how to access it, and where to find help navigating the system.
The Gold Star Tradition
The Gold Star symbol emerged from grassroots tradition during World War I. Families hung service banners in their windows featuring blue stars for each family member serving overseas. The design came from Army Captain Robert L. Queissner in 1917, who had two sons on the front lines.
When families lost someone in service, they stitched a gold star over the blue one, often leaving a blue border. The gold represented the family’s ultimate sacrifice while maintaining pride in their loved one’s valor.
President Woodrow Wilson formalized recognition in May 1918, approving gold gilt stars on black mourning armbands for mothers who lost children in the war. This sparked a nationwide movement of support among grieving mothers.
In 1928, Grace Darling Seibold, who lost her aviator son in the British Royal Flying Corps, joined with 24 other mothers to found American Gold Star Mothers, Inc. The organization continues supporting military families today.
Official Recognition Days
The nation formally honors these families twice each year.
Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day occurs on the last Sunday in September. President Franklin Roosevelt signed a congressional resolution in 1936 designating this day for Gold Star Mothers. President Barack Obama expanded recognition in 2011 to include all immediate family members.
Gold Star Spouses Day on April 5 specifically honors surviving spouses of fallen service members.
The Lapel Buttons
The Department of Defense issues two distinct lapel buttons to honor families of deceased service members. These aren’t awards to be earned but sacred symbols of sacrifice and remembrance.
Public awareness about the distinction between these buttons remains limited, sometimes leading to unintentionally insensitive questions for survivors. The system can create a perceived hierarchy of loss that doesn’t reflect the equal grief felt by all families.
Gold Star Lapel Button
The Gold Star Lapel Button (GSLB) is the most recognized symbol, reserved for families of service members who die in hostile circumstances.
Congress established the GSLB on August 1, 1947, through Public Law 80-306, initially for World War II families. The design carries deep symbolism: a gold star sits on purple (representing grief and mourning, like the Purple Heart), encircled by gold laurel leaves symbolizing valor.
Eligibility is narrowly defined by federal law and detailed in DoD Instruction 1348.36. The GSLB goes to next of kin when service members die during:
- Designated periods of armed hostilities
- Actions against U.S. enemies
- Military operations involving foreign force conflict
- Service with friendly foreign forces in armed conflict
- International terrorist attacks
- Military peacekeeping operations outside the U.S.
Eligible next of kin includes widows/widowers (whether remarried or not), parents (including step, adoptive, and foster parents), children (including step and adopted), and siblings (including half and step-siblings). A September 2020 policy update added step-siblings, reflecting modern blended families.
Families typically receive the button from their Casualty Assistance Officer before funeral services. Those who never received one or need replacements can submit DD Form 3 to the appropriate service casualty office.
Next of Kin Lapel Button
The Next of Kin of Deceased Personnel Lapel Button (NKLB) honors families of service members who died in service but outside hostile circumstances.
Approved in 1973 and retroactive to March 29, 1973, the NKLB covers deaths during training, vehicle accidents, illness, or other non-combat situations. The button features a gold star within a gold circle surrounded by oak sprigs representing the Armed Forces branches.
Eligible next of kin criteria match the GSLB. Casualty Assistance Officers present these buttons, and replacements can be requested from the National Personnel Records Center or appropriate service casualty offices.
Lapel Button Comparison
| Feature | Gold Star Lapel Button | Next of Kin Lapel Button |
|---|---|---|
| Appearance | Gold star on purple background with gold laurel wreath | Gold star in gold circle with oak sprigs |
| Eligibility | Death in hostile/combat situations | Death on duty in non-hostile circumstances |
| Symbolism | Purple for grief, laurel for valor | Oak sprigs for Armed Forces branches |
| Established | August 1, 1947 | 1973, retroactive to March 29, 1973 |
Immediate Support After Loss
When families receive devastating news, the Department of Defense activates comprehensive support systems designed to guide them through immediate challenges while shielding them from bureaucratic complexities.
Casualty Assistance Officers
The cornerstone of immediate response is the Casualty Assistance program. Each service branch appoints a specially trained Casualty Assistance Officer (CAO) to serve the primary next of kin. The Marine Corps, Navy, and Coast Guard use “Casualty Assistance Calls Officer” (CACO), while the Air Force uses “Casualty Assistance Representative” (CAR).
The CAO serves as more than an official representative—they’re a critical buffer against overwhelming decisions, paperwork, and procedures during intense grief. This role acknowledges that grieving families shouldn’t navigate complex benefit systems alone.
CAO responsibilities include:
Benefits and Entitlements: Assisting with immediate financial benefits like Death Gratuity payments and providing information on long-term benefits such as Survivor Benefit Plan and Dependency and Indemnity Compensation.
Funeral Arrangements: Coordinating military funeral honors, burial services, and remains transportation with the family’s chosen funeral home.
Travel Coordination: Arranging government-funded travel for eligible family members to attend services.
Personal Effects: Managing collection, inventory, and respectful return of the service member’s belongings.
Liaison Services: Acting as the single point of contact with military agencies and connecting families with legal assistance, financial counselors, chaplains, and organizations like American Red Cross.
The CAO’s support isn’t time-limited. They remain with families as long as needed and conduct a “warm handoff” to long-term case managers when immediate duties conclude.
Death Gratuity
The Death Gratuity provides immediate financial assistance to help families meet urgent expenses before long-term benefits and insurance payments begin.
This one-time, lump-sum payment of $100,000 is entirely tax-free at federal and state levels. Payment goes to designated beneficiaries of service members who die on active duty or in certain reserve statuses, regardless of death cause.
Service members designate recipients on DD Form 93, “Record of Emergency Data,” in 10% increments to one or more individuals. Keeping this form updated ensures distribution according to the service member’s wishes.
If no beneficiary is designated, payment follows legal precedence: surviving spouse, then children in equal shares, then parents. The CAO helps beneficiaries complete DD Form 397 for payment processing, often within 24-72 hours.
Military Funeral Honors
Federal law entitles every eligible veteran to military funeral honors upon family request. This final tribute expresses the nation’s gratitude for honorable service.
Core elements include at least two uniformed military personnel (one from the deceased’s service branch), meticulous flag folding, flag presentation to next of kin, and “Taps” performance by bugler or high-quality recording.
Honors are available for active duty deaths, military retirees, and veterans with other-than-dishonorable discharges. Funeral directors typically coordinate requests with appropriate military casualty assistance centers using the DD Form 214 as eligibility proof.
Arlington National Cemetery provides varying honor levels based on rank:
Military Funeral Honors: For enlisted, junior warrant officers (WO-1 to CW-3), and junior commissioned officers (O-1 to O-3). Includes casket team, firing party, and bugler.
Full Military Honors with Escort: For senior enlisted (E-9), senior warrant officers (CW-4 and CW-5), senior officers (O-4+), Medal of Honor recipients, former POWs, or those killed in action. Adds marching elements, military band, and possibly horse-drawn caisson.
Spouse and Dependent Honors: Arlington provides casket teams and military chaplains for eligible family members upon request.
Long-Term Financial Support
Beyond immediate assistance, the DoD and VA administer several ongoing income programs forming a critical safety net. The system’s complexity, with benefits from different agencies, underscores why expert guidance from CAOs or survivor advocacy organizations is essential.
Survivor Benefit Plan
The Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) functions like a DoD-sponsored insurance policy, providing monthly annuities to eligible survivors. Its primary purpose is replacing military retired pay that stops upon death.
For Active Duty Deaths: SBP coverage is automatic and cost-free when service members die on active duty in the line of duty. The annuity calculates based on what retired pay would have been with 100% disability rating on death date.
For Retirees: Military retirees must elect and pay for SBP at retirement. Premiums are deducted from gross retired pay before taxes, lowering taxable income and out-of-pocket costs. Married retirees get full spousal coverage by default, which can’t be reduced without spouse’s written, notarized consent.
Benefit Calculation: SBP annuity equals 55% of the “base amount” chosen at retirement, ranging from $300 minimum to full gross retired pay. The annuity adjusts annually for inflation through Cost-of-Living Adjustments.
Eligible Beneficiaries:
Spouse: Receives lifelong annuity, but payments suspend if remarrying before age 55. Benefits can resume if subsequent marriage ends.
Children: Eligible until age 18, or 22 if full-time unmarried students. Children with disabilities occurring before age limits can receive lifelong benefits while unmarried.
Former Spouse: Coverage possible voluntarily or by court order in divorce decrees.
Claiming Benefits: For active duty deaths, CAOs assist with SBP claims. For retiree deaths, beneficiaries report deaths to Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) online or by calling 800-321-1080.
Dependency and Indemnity Compensation
Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) is a separate, tax-free monthly benefit from Veterans Affairs for survivors of service members whose deaths are determined service-connected.
Eligibility: DIC is generally payable when service members died:
- While on active duty, active duty training, or inactive duty training
- From service-incurred or service-aggravated injury or disease
- From non-service causes, but with 100% disability ratings for 10+ years preceding death
Eligible Survivors:
Spouse: Must meet marriage length and timing criteria. Surviving spouses remarrying at age 55+ on or after January 5, 2021, can retain DIC benefits.
Children: Must be unmarried and under 18 (or under 23 if in approved school programs).
Parents: May qualify if income falls below annual legal limits.
Payment Rates: DIC pays flat monthly rates adjusted annually for cost of living. Additional amounts apply for dependent children, aid and attendance needs, or housebound status. Current rates are available on the VA website.
Applications: For active duty deaths, CAOs help complete VA Form 21P-534a. Other cases use VA Form 21P-534EZ for spouses/children or VA Form 21P-535 for parents.
SBP-DIC Offset Elimination
For decades, the controversial SBP-DIC offset prevented surviving spouses from receiving full benefits their loved ones earned. This “Widow’s Tax” reduced SBP payments dollar-for-dollar by DIC amounts, sometimes eliminating entire SBP annuities.
The National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2020 initiated offset phase-out. On January 1, 2023, the SBP-DIC offset was completely eliminated. Eligible surviving spouses now receive both full SBP payments from DFAS and full DIC payments from VA concurrently.
This change significantly increased monthly income for thousands of Gold Star spouses nationwide. The Special Survivor Indemnity Allowance (SSIA), created as partial offset remedy, was terminated with final payments in January 2023.
Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance
Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) is a low-cost term life insurance program supervised by VA and provided by Prudential Insurance Company of America.
All eligible service members receive automatic maximum coverage unless electing lesser amounts or declining coverage. On March 1, 2023, maximum SGLI coverage increased from $400,000 to $500,000.
Service members designate SGLI beneficiaries. Upon death, designated beneficiaries file SGLV 8283 to receive proceeds. CAOs provide forms and assist with completion.
Family SGLI (FSGLI) provides coverage for spouses and dependent children. Spousal coverage reaches $100,000 maximum (not exceeding service member’s coverage), while dependent children receive automatic $10,000 coverage at no cost.
Healthcare and Education Benefits
The government provides critical healthcare and education benefits ensuring long-term well-being and future opportunities for surviving family members, primarily through TRICARE and VA programs.
TRICARE Health Coverage
TRICARE is the DoD’s healthcare program for uniformed service members, retirees, and families. Eligibility is managed through the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS).
Following service member deaths, DoD and Social Security Administration should automatically update family status in DEERS. Families should verify status by contacting DMDC/DEERS Support Office at 800-538-9552 or visiting local ID card offices to prevent coverage lapses.
Survivors of Active Duty Service Members:
Healthcare options structure in two phases:
Transitional Survivor Status: For three years following sponsor death, surviving spouses and children remain covered as active duty family members. Health plan options and costs don’t change, providing stability during difficult transitions.
Survivor Status: After three years, surviving spouse status changes to “retired family member,” resulting in different plan options and higher out-of-pocket costs including annual enrollment fees and higher copayments. This sudden increase is called the “TRICARE cliff.”
The bipartisan “Gold Star Spouse Healthcare Enhancement Act” has been introduced in Congress to eliminate this three-year limit and allow eligible Gold Star spouses to retain less expensive active-duty family member status permanently.
Surviving children don’t transition to retiree status; they remain covered as active duty family members until losing TRICARE eligibility for other reasons like turning 21 (or 23 if full-time students).
Survivors of Retired Service Members: When military retirees die, surviving family members maintain the same health plan options and costs they had before death. Surviving spouses remain eligible for TRICARE for life unless remarrying.
Dental Benefits: Surviving family members enrolled in TRICARE Dental Program at active duty sponsor’s death receive premium-free coverage for three years. Afterward, they may purchase dental coverage through Federal Employees Dental and Vision Insurance Program (FEDVIP).
Education Assistance Programs
The Department of Veterans Affairs offers two robust educational assistance programs for surviving spouses and children. Most survivors eligible for both must make an irrevocable election between programs—a high-stakes decision since benefits structure very differently.
Marine Gunnery Sergeant John David Fry Scholarship
Named for a Marine killed in Iraq in 2006, the Fry Scholarship extends Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits to survivors of service members who died in the line of duty on or after September 11, 2001.
The scholarship provides up to 36 months of benefits at 100% Post-9/11 GI Bill level:
Tuition and Fees: Paid directly to educational institutions. Covers full in-state tuition and fees at public schools. Private or foreign schools are capped at national maximum rates (currently $28,937.09 for 2024-2025 academic year).
Monthly Housing Allowance: Monthly stipend paid directly to students, based on Basic Allowance for Housing for E-5 with dependents in school ZIP code.
Books and Supplies Stipend: Annual stipend up to $1,000, paid proportionally each term.
Surviving spouses generally lose eligibility upon remarriage, though recent legislative changes may restore benefits for some. Children typically use benefits until age 33, though time limits were removed for children of service members who died on or after January 1, 2013.
Survivors’ and Dependents’ Educational Assistance Program
The DEA program is older with broader eligibility, available to children and spouses of veterans permanently and totally disabled due to service-connected conditions, or who died while on active duty or from service-related conditions.
DEA provides up to 36 months of educational benefits (45 months for those starting before August 1, 2018). Unlike the Fry Scholarship, DEA pays fixed monthly stipends directly to students, who then pay all tuition, fees, housing, and book costs from this stipend.
Children are generally eligible between ages 18 and 26. Spouse eligibility typically spans 10 years from veteran’s death or VA eligibility determination, extendable to 20 years in certain cases.
The Critical Choice
For surviving spouses or children of service members who died after August 1, 2011, choosing between Fry Scholarship and DEA is permanent and cannot be changed. Children of service members who died before August 1, 2011, may be eligible for both programs but not simultaneously, for combined totals up to 81 months.
Applications for both programs use VA Form 22-5490, completed online, mailed to VA regional offices, or with school Veterans Certifying Officials.
Education Benefits Comparison
| Feature | Fry Scholarship | DEA Program |
|---|---|---|
| Payment Structure | Tuition paid to school, housing/books to student | Single monthly stipend to student |
| Benefit Amount | Varies by school cost/location, potentially much higher | Fixed monthly amount (~$1,536/month in 2024-2025) |
| Maximum Months | 36 months | 36 months (45 for pre-Aug 2018 starts) |
| Primary Eligibility | Service member died in line of duty on/after Sept 11, 2001 | Veteran permanently disabled or died from service-connected cause |
| Best For | High-cost universities with direct tuition payment exceeding DEA stipend | Low-cost community colleges where stipend covers all costs |
| Irrevocable Choice | Yes, for most cases | Yes, for most cases |
Support Network
Navigating grief and complex benefits following military loss can feel isolating and overwhelming. A robust network of official government programs and dedicated nonprofit organizations provides essential support.
Department of Defense and VA Resources
Military OneSource: This DoD-funded program provides 24/7 information, resources, and support for the military community. Eligible survivors receive free, confidential non-medical counseling sessions for grief and bereavement through Military OneSource.
Service-Specific Long-Term Support: After CAO assistance concludes, each service branch provides dedicated long-term case management as permanent links to service communities:
- Army: Survivor Outreach Services (SOS) – 833-313-1960; [email protected]
- Navy: Navy Gold Star Program – 888-509-8759
- Air Force & Space Force: Air Force Families Forever – 866-299-0596
- Marine Corps: Long Term Assistance Program (LTAP) – 866-210-3421, Ext. 2
- Coast Guard: Gold Star Program – 202-795-6647
Defense Finance and Accounting Service: DFAS manages military retired pay and SBP annuity payments. Survivors can manage accounts, update information, and access tax forms through myPay online portal or by calling 800-321-1080.
VA Office of Survivors Assistance: This Veterans Affairs office helps survivors navigate the full spectrum of VA benefits and services.
Key Nonprofit Organizations
The nonprofit community provides vital emotional and psychological support that complements government programs.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS): The leading national nonprofit providing compassionate care for all grieving military losses. TAPS services are free and available to anyone grieving military loss, regardless of relationship, location, or death circumstances, including suicide and illness.
Founded in 1994 by military widow Bonnie Carroll, TAPS fills emotional and psychological support gaps government programs aren’t designed to address:
- 24/7 National Military Survivor Helpline: 800-959-TAPS (8277), always answered by caring TAPS team members
- Peer-Based Support: Connecting newly bereaved survivors with trained Peer Mentors who experienced similar losses
- Casework and Benefits Assistance: Expert teams helping families navigate DoD and VA benefits, resolve burial issues, and connect with resources
- Grief Support Programs: National and regional Survivor Seminars for adults and “Good Grief Camps” for children and teens
Foundational Gold Star Organizations:
- American Gold Star Mothers, Inc.: The original 1928 organization for mothers whose children died in military service
- Gold Star Wives of America, Inc.: Formed in 1945, this congressionally chartered organization supports and advocates for military surviving spouses
Other Dedicated Support Organizations:
- Children of Fallen Patriots Foundation: Provides college scholarships and educational counseling to military children who lost parents in line of duty
- The Folded Flag Foundation: Provides educational scholarships and grants to spouses and children of military and government personnel who died in hostile action or combat-related accidents
- Travis Manion Foundation: Serves Gold Star Families by creating healing and service opportunities in communities, honoring fallen loved ones’ legacies
Additional Federal Benefits
National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Pass: Gold Star Families receive free lifetime passes providing access to more than 2,000 federal recreation sites, including national parks, wildlife refuges, and forests. Eligibility follows DoD Instruction 1348.36 criteria. Families can download self-certifying vouchers from the National Park Service website to exchange for physical passes at participating sites.
Understanding Your Rights and Resources
Gold Star Families carry a burden no family should bear, yet their sacrifice is recognized through comprehensive support systems reflecting the nation’s commitment to those who serve. From immediate financial assistance to long-term healthcare and education benefits, these programs acknowledge that supporting survivors is both a moral obligation and practical necessity.
The complexity of available benefits underscores the importance of expert guidance from Casualty Assistance Officers, service-specific survivor programs, and organizations like TAPS. No family should navigate these systems alone during their most difficult moments.
The symbols of recognition—the Gold Star and Next of Kin lapel buttons—represent more than military protocol. They’re visible reminders of sacrifice and community acknowledgment of loss. The distinction between buttons, while bureaucratically necessary, doesn’t diminish the equal grief felt by all military families who lose loved ones.
Recent legislative victories like the SBP-DIC offset elimination demonstrate how Gold Star Families’ advocacy can drive meaningful change. These successes show that while the designation “Gold Star Family” comes with unimaginable loss, it also carries the power to improve support for future generations of military survivors.
The network of support—from federal agencies to grassroots nonprofits—reflects America’s recognition that freedom requires sacrifice, and those sacrifices extend beyond service members to their families. Understanding and accessing these resources helps ensure that Gold Star Families receive the support they’ve earned through their loved ones’ service and their own enduring loss.
Every Gold Star Family’s journey is unique, shaped by individual circumstances, needs, and grief processes. The extensive support system exists to meet families wherever they are in that journey, providing practical assistance, financial security, healthcare coverage, educational opportunities, and most importantly, community with others who understand their loss.
While no benefit can replace what was lost, these programs represent the nation’s promise to remember, honor, and support those who gave everything for American freedom. For Gold Star Families, knowing these resources exist and how to access them is both a practical necessity and a recognition of their continued importance to the military community and the nation as a whole.
Our articles make government information more accessible. Please consult a qualified professional for financial, legal, or health advice specific to your circumstances.
